Be My Eternal Sadist
by minminmint
Summary: Kagura is a mature and beautiful woman now. Long hair, nice kimono, a bombshell babe, what else you ask? But something's missing. Kagura will never forget what Sougo said 3 years ago. But does Sougo still remember it? Does that sadist have any feelings for Kagura, the way that china girl falls for him? Anyway, english isn't my mother-tongue, so please understand a bit.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T HAVE GINTAMA (OBVIOUSLY)**

**Minna, I hope you enjoy it, necromancer! :) **

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"Baa-san, sukonbu ne.."

A year has been passed since Gin-chan ended a curse "White Plague". He's with us now, as lazy as ever.. But now, we can form a Yorozuya trio again. People has come back to earth too and nowadays, we get a lot of job. Bussiness was never this good before 6 years ago. Thanks to our clients, we got a lot of money and finally.. After forgetting about this for hundred times, after had been distracted by panties thief, gorilla stalker, even that White Plague, Anego finally can start to rebuild his father's Dojo using Shinpachi's salaries.

_But why… something is missing inside me. No matter how many smile I give everyday, no matter how many times I laugh with Shinpachi and Gin-chan, I still feel a bit empty.._

_That face.. That sadist smile.. That sword he always carries.._

_And that unwanted kiss 3 years ago…_

_How can he just leave me now? I've grown up into a woman. Now I have a long hair, I'm not a brat anymore, I become stronger, and now my boobs aren't shrinking.. Aren't they enough to make him stay beside me? So why now I can't meet him among these men I see… Why I can't stop thinking about him? Why I really want him now when he's so far away…_

"Tadaima.." I take off my boots lazily as usual.

"I don't really want to do anything. Just laying at sofa while petting Sadaharu is enough for me.." the voices in my head goes like that. A really hot day, a tired mind, what else do I want besides being as lazy as possible today? We don't have any job for today..

As I'm walking to the living room, I can hear a familiar voice, talking with Gin-chan and Shinpachi.

_A voice that I have been waiting for months. A voice that I really love. A voice of a sadist man that could make me excited whenever I heard it._

"Kagura! Come here! Go serve 80's wine for our client today.." Gin-chan's voice is calling me from the living room.

"HAAIIII!" I run quickly to the kitchen. I can't wait anymore. I have to meet him! I really have. I don't want to waste any time again. I will tell him everything.. everything I've been feeling toward him for these years.

Of course, just like in the past, I won't serve any 80's wine or simply, any wine. Just Nilo is more than enough. No way Gin-chan could buy those super good and expensive wines. Yeah, we got a lot of money, but dammit. He still loves to play with balls and wastes his money for nothing. Thanks to Anego who threated to kill him if he didn't pay Shinpachi and me, we can have our money every time we get a job. But still.. seeing him wasting him for soju and gambling, really makes me want to take his kintama off...

"Why the hell you bring Nilo again, Kaaaguuuurraaa?!"

"DAMARE NATURAL PERM! Stop playing balls at pachinko and we'll be able to buy wine.."

My eyes finally catches the man who I've been waiting. He's sitting there calmly.. Nothing changes. He still has that long hair. And that sadistic face…

He slowly turns his head to me. He really doesn't change at all.. He doesn't even react or show any feelings while looking at me. He obviously looks like he couldn't care less... That kiss, that hug… it didn't mean anything? The feelings I have for him, they are meaningless? Isn't my transformation into a beautiful woman enough to make him love me? Why did I wait for you if you didn't even wait for me? I didn't expect you to act like a lovey dovey guy, sadist. But at least, you could've smiled to me and asked, "How are you, china girl?" I really miss to be called "china girl" by you, with that voice of yours. But why it's like this now? I should've known... That kiss, that hug, those words you said to me, they were for nothing.. Nothing more than just to calm me down back then. I should've known it better...

If he doesn't want me again, why is he here now? Why should he appears before my eyes if he doesn't wait for me? Does he want to torture me to death? Doesn't he understand I can never forget those words which he said at that night? Why?

I put those 3 glasses of Nilo on the table and sit beside Shinpachi. I should know why he's here now... I really should.

**[TO BE CONTINUED]**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yooo minna-san.. I'm back, death note! (ok, I love talking with Otsu-chan suffix )**

**(A/n: sooo on this fanfiction, Gorilla Isao, Toshi follow, Sadist Sougo, Badminton-lover Zaki, and other (ex) Shinsengumi members, they don't work as polices again. But yeah, they're still with Zura.. The mayo freak won't be able to leave his forever mayo brother, Eli.. :3 (mayo+rice taste good tho.. I know your feelings, Eli.. Toshi.. u_u) )**

**P.S: Next chapter, I'll just write a flashback of what happened 3 years before. ENJOY!**

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_He's sitting across me. But it's weird, I can't see his face. I just can't. Something inside me feels really weird. Is it joy? Is it hatred? Is it anger? I don't even know.. My face feels really hot now and I'm sure it's as red as tomato, I don't want that sadist to see that. As I keep looking at living room's wood floors, there he is.. Keeps talking about things I can't hear. For now, I really can't pay any attention to what he's saying, not at all._

"Why he keeps ignoring me? Why is he acting like I'm not here? Why doesn't he try to just say hello to me? What the hell he doesn't even mention my name?" As those questions keep flooding my mind and I'm still in my own world, Shinpachi elbowed my arm and moved his head really close to my ear.

"Hey Kagura-chan, wake up! Hear what Okita-san's saying.. He has a job for us," Shinpachi's whispering to my ear.

I stop questioning things about that sadist, try to regain my conciousness and raising my head, start looking at him. The fact that I really want to scream at him and ask hundred of questions to that sick sadist, really isn't helping me at all. I'm just staring at him creepily, just like when this human-wearing glasses besides me watches Otsu-chan on television (thank god she's being a "normal" singer again. I'm tired enough to hear that song about harem, threesome or whatever which she sang during "White Plague" intervention). Even though I keep looking at Sougo, that sick bastard acts like there's nothing wrong. He keeps explaining things to Gin-chan.

"So, Dana.. Can you help me to find Kirie? I really can't look for her freely. As you know, I'm only a ronin now.. Ah not only that, the government and the police keep looking for me so I can't freely roam at town.."

"You WERE a police, idiot! Why don't you just beg the government to take you guys as Shinsengumi again?!" Gin-chan screamed at his fellow sadist.

Sougo put a big smile on his face, a smile that charmed me back then.

"Blah.. this is more fun, Dana. Nothing is more fun than slaying people to make you famous and then seeing their scary faces.."

"Tch! what a sadist..." Gin-chan looked away to the window and starts staring at those clouds. Yeah Gin-chan, tell him that he's a sadist, but please look at the mirror first, eternal natural perm.

Kirie? Now that's a familiar name.. I think I've heard this name before.. What's or who's that? Is it the name of the food I ate last month when Gin-chan treated us after Anego threated him that she'd cut off his kintama? No.. that's not it… Uuum or maybe the name of Baa-san whom I buy sukonbu from everyday? Ie ie.. Ah! The name of that girl.. The girl who almost killed this sadist. The girl who thought his father was killed by this sicko at Rokkaku incident. And I agreed to help her to kill this sadist after I ate pieces of cake with tabasco sauce which he brought for Yorozuya. As I recall, she lived in other country with her relatives and I sent her mails back then but I stopped after Gin-chan was gone. I was really down back then and didn't even want to do anything or talk to anyone. Aaah, how is she right now?

But wait.. what happened to her? Why does this man ask for our help to look for her? Why does he look really care about her?

"Oi Kagura-chan.. You still remember Kirie-san, right?" I nodded my head. "She's been gone for almost a week now.."

"Haaa? Shinpachi, what's happened to her?"

That good-for-nothing guy shrugged, "Beats me.. Even Okita-san has no idea..."

But wait.. How come this sicko sadist know that Kirie is gone? What... Is there something between them? REALLY? This sadist loves her more than me? Yeah Kirie is a mature girl now, as I remember she's of the same age with me... But really? Is she more beautiful than me now? Ie.. she's just a girl. I'm a beautiful girl. Soyo-hime is more beautiful than me, yeah. Only her who is waaaaay more at everything than me. But does this sadist talk to her often? Why does he care about her so much?

"I called her uncle who took care of her. I did it every 3 or 4 months, China girl.. I still have a heart a bit. I just want to make sure she won't repeat the same mistake and just trust anyone she meets on the street," Sougo said it all with a really flat face, staring at me.

Eh.. EEEEEHH? Did he just say "China girl". Is he looking at me now? Aaa really? Finally, yes! _(A/n: now Kagura is kinda like Sa-chan, I'm sorry -Hijikata can go eat a river of mayonaise- )_

"Heeh you talked to me? Hoy kusogaki, ah you're not a kid anymore and you don't have any job now.. Hoy new madao, who asked you about it? Why did you suddenly talk to me? Missed me so much, huh?"

"Your look said it all, Sukonbu girl. You're the one who missed me. You kept staring at me like a creeper back then! What's with those blushing cheeks? Getting excited like those cats in heat, huh?"

Chikusuo... How did he realized it? I mean, he acted like nothing happened and now.. this? Oh my... What should I do?

"Betsuuu ni, I just saw that you had a new mole!" I pointed my finger to his forehead. The truth, of course there's nothing.

I grinned, thinking that I'm winning and nobody notices my lie. But wait.. why no one says anything? Why's everybody looking at me now?

"There's no new mole, Ka-gu-ra~chaaaaeeun" Gin-chan squinted his eyes and keeps looking at me.

"Yeah, Dana. You just made up thing, China girl. Go dig a hole and bury yourself in it, kusogaki. Bury those big boobies of yours too, baka.. Your boobs are bigger than your brain, obviously."

"Want to fight, huh crazy sadist?!" Before I realized it, I got up from the sofa and grabbed my umbrella on Sadaharu's back.

"I don't mind at all. Why are you wearing a kimono like that? It annoys me, why don't you just cut it so you can show off your panties and thighs? Want me to help you?" He walks towards me while holding his sword which is still inside its sheath, on that man's waist.

A second later, our faces are already so close like, we're almost kissing. But instead of kissing, we have a pissed-off expression written on our face. Just look at that sadist face makes me so mad. I miss him, but how the hell he knows about it? And why he just said it out loud in front of Gin-chan and Shinpachi. Why he mocked my kimono and my chest?

We started pushing each other. I just have this urge to punch his face now.. Seriously how come I fall in love with a guy like this.. Oi Kamisama, seriously?! I kissed this guy back then? Is this the same guy who said those sweet words 3 years ago? HONTO?!

"DIE CHINA GIRL!"

"DIE SADIST! GO TO HELL AND TAKE AN ETERNAL REST THERE!"

"Maa ma... Kagura-chan, Okita-san, please stop fighting.." Shinpachi tries to separate us by standing in between. No good, futile. This freak sadist and I, we'll keep fighting until we're satisfied..

"Argh.. they're fighting. I'm gonna go buy a new JUMP! Jaa..." Gin-chan walks towards the door, leaving us and Shinpachi (who's trapped in our fight) behind.

There's no way I'll stop punching and kicking this sadist now. There's no way this sadist will stop before I say sorry and give up. And there's no way for Shinpachi to go out alive of this fight. Now I really doubt everything. Do I really need to confess my feelings to him soon? I bet he'll just mock me and try to slay me if I say it. Beside, tch! I'm a girl.. It's him who has to confess everything first. Not me. Kamisama, tasukete kudasaaaiiii!

**[TO BE CONTINUED]**


	3. Chapter 3 -The Flashback-

**Yo, I'm back, Minna~ .**

**Almost deleted this story because someone commented "check your grammar, dude". First of all, I admit that my english isn't really good. I have problems with grammar (Est-ce que je dois écrire en français ou en indonésien?). So why do I write this story in english? Weeeell, simple. To train myself. So sorry if you find many errors. I'd prefer to have someone comment on my story like "hey... you made mistake here blablabla it should be like this blablabla" :) It'd help me a lot, actually :) **

**Sooo.. this chapter is a flashback. Next chapter = the last chapter... :) Thinking about writing a story of RivaPeto or SakaMutsu.. BUT yeah, think I'll write it in bahasa (indonesian) instead.. :D **

**Minna-san, enjooooooooooy, Kamen Rider! ^_^ Sorry if I talk to long u_u**

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_3 years ago, Gin-chan was gone. We couldn't find him anywhere, even just his dead body so we could have a proper funeral for him. He didn't say anything before he went somewhere. He even stopped drinking and getting drunk, I thought it was for good. I thought he'd change and we could form a better trio, with the same leader but with more dependable personality. We could win over Hosen, we could beat those pirates from Harusame, we could even kicked those Shogun's samurai's asses.. But we should've known, we CAN'T win over something called "destiny". We can never beat it. We can't even guess its next move.. Gin-chan isn't with us anymore and this is our destiny…_

I really love this house. Well… this reminds me of those days when we were still together. Gin-chan, Shinpachi and me… I still remember how scared Gin-chan was when Otose-san or Tama asked him about the rent. I still remember Shinpachi always did the chores, sometimes I still can hear that sound Shinpachi made when he swept the floor.

I walk to the table, where Gin-chan usually sat down behind. Whenever he could, he would just sit on a chair behind this table, picked his nose and started saying some nonsenses. Or when the new edition of Jump was out, Gin-chan would buy it, then laid on the sofa, read the Jump all day long.

_"He will be back.. He'll open that door, looks so drunk and then passes out after tries to take off his boots.."_ I keep repeating those words in my head every second, to convince myself that he'll come back. He's not dead yet. He's still alive somewhere and maybe he's just so drunk to the point he forgets which way he should take to get here…

"You're still here?" I turned my head just to find Otose-san behind me. She's standing there, looking at me with that painful looks.

"Yeah.. I should come here often, right? Just in case... he'll come back and fall asleep in front of the door. If I don't come here anymore, no one will put the blanket on him... No one will prepare a breakfast for him in the morning... No one-" I can't continue it. My voice was already cracked and now, I really just want to cry.

"But he's already..."

"NO! He'll be with us again. I'm sure about it, Baa-san! I-"

"You're still playing house, Kagura-chan?"

Tch, here comes a really annoying one. Wearing glasses, looking so cocky now. Yeah, that human-wearing glasses, Shimura Shinpachi. After 3 years, he changed into other character. Now he really looks like the captain of seigaku tennis team and he even threw away his personality, his role as a straight man. Yeah, we can say, he's just another stupid character here.

"And you, megane saru.. Still can't move on from your 8th grade syndrome?" Smirking, I turn my head to him.

"WHO HAS THE 8TH-! so close.. You think you can revive the straight man inside me by saying that?" Shinpachi fix his glasses. As I noticed, when he does it, actually he feels kinda mad or uncomfortable.. Well it depends on his facial expression too. And judging by the expression on his face now, he must feels angry.

"Nope. I was just stating the truth... By the way, I don't have time to talk with a weakling. See you! I'm leaving, Baa-san"

I walk out of the house, leaving Shinpachi and Baa-san behind. I don't know what they're thinking of me. Maybe they think I'm kinda crazy or whatever since I keep believing that Gin-chan is still alive out there and I've even chosen to stay on Earth, in Edo, even though Papi kept asking me to go with him to hunt aliens. Yep I want to be a strong alien hunter, just like Papi. And I know I need some training and only Papi who can teach me to go hunting aliens. But not now. I'm waiting for Gin-chan. I can't leave this place because Gin-chan will come back someday.

"Ah I think I'll buy sukonbu.. Should eat it when I feel sad" As I think like that, I'm walking to the little shop where I buy sukonbu everyday. But someone pulls my hand and now, I'm walking to some alley. I can see who's pulling my hand. He's running in front of me, but I don't know him at all..

_Who is this guy or girl? Wait, this hand.. Ah it certainly belongs to a guy. I don't know him. I don't know anyone like him. Having long hair, wearing red kimono, carrying sword.. WHAT?! A sword? Samurai?! Maybe.. maybe he's a friend of Gin-chan? Is it possible? Does he know where Gin-chan is and he's planning to tell me about it? _

I'm smiling just by thinking about that. This is the day I've been waiting for. This guy definitely wants to tell me about Gin-chan. I mean, I don't know him. I think I've never met him before. If he's just some bandit who holds a grudge against me, he wouldn't pull my hand. He'd kill me instead.

Finally we stop running. There no one around us right now. And there, I only can see his back. Buuut... yeah.. finally, he's starting to turn around.. Yahoooo, I can see his right cheek now. Yeah, just a little bit more.. moo..

"Hey china, how are you? Still being stupid?"

SADIST?! THIS GUY IS THAT BASTARD!

"You... what are you doing here? Why are you not wearing your shinsengumi uniform? Trying to be a model?" Now come to think of it, yeah... The colour of his hair, the sword he's carrying... Okita Sougo..

"None of your business. So are you still looking for Sakata Gintoki?"

"Yeah.. why? Do you know where is he?" Wow, maybe he can be useful, I guess..

"Don't be stupid.. You know the truth. He's not here anymore. Simply, he's not in this world anymore, china." He's saying it all with cold expression, just as usual. I shouldn't have expected that he'd help me or whatever. He's a sadist. He's the worst of the worst. If Baa-san and Shinpachi think I'm crazy for believing Gin-chan will be here again, this guy thinks I'm idiot, crazy, and useless. After all, everything he has done to me was trying to kill me.

"Can you please shut up? If you only want to talk about shits, I'd gladly leave now" I'm turning my body and ready to leave him. Man, what will I get by talking to someone who's rotten to the core like him?

"Hey wait!" That sadist once again pulls my hand. He then push my body to some wall behinds me. Standing really close to me, I can see his face really clearly now. God, I've grown much taller after 3 years.. Now I can look into his eyes without tiptoe. But.. what's with that expression on his face? Why does he look so sad?

"You've grown into a fine woman, Kagura.."

Wait, did I mishear something? He called my name? Not china or baka?

"Are you drunk, sadist? Why are you acting so weird like this? Go to hell, please.. just go to hell. Don't try to rape me or else I'll kill you!"

"Hoy china, can you please shut your mouth for a while? I need to tell you something. I won't rape you or anything.." I'm looking at him, can't believe that a sadist just talked to me like that. Woow, he has changed, I guess..

"Sooo..."

"Can you please stop thinking about dana? He's dead, he's not here anymore. Stop torturing yourself by thinking about him all the time!"

"He'll come back to us, I'm s-"

"NO HE WON'T. YOU KNOW IT, DON'T TRY TO DENY IT, CHINA!" Okita screamed at me. Without realizing it, tears has flow down to my cheeks. Yeah, I actually know Gin-chan is gone. I know that 98% he'll never come back here again. I keep trying to believe that he's still alive and he's fine out there just so I can feel better. I can say, it's for comfort me only. But Gin-chan was like a brother, a mentor and sometimes a father to me. I couldn't even say goodbye to him before he disappeared, so he shouldn't have gone too long. Now, I can see that sadist looks so frustrated, angry, sad, and maybe confused. He looks at me for some seconds before punching the wall behind me.

"Damn it.. I'm sorry, china... I didn't mean it. I just want to say that.. can't you start caring about someone else? I like you a lot, china.. It hurted me when I saw you walking with long face.. Yeah I'm sad because dana isn't here anymore but what can we do? We have to move on..."

"What? You like me? Uum you're really drunk, sadist. Go home" I wipe my tears away.

"Not like. I love you... Now you're 17 year old so thank God I don't look like a pedo.."

"Haaaaaah?! LOVE? YOU LOVE ME? What's wrong with you?! I can't believe a sadist like you can't love anyone. And you always try to kill me, how come you love me? You're so sick.. I'm gonna leave. I have other things I have to take care of."

I don't know what he did to me but now I'm in his arms. And weird, it feels so warm and good. He hugs me tightly like he'd never let me go.. Seriously, I don't know this man. I can't believe this is a sadist whom I always fought with.

"I'll wait for you until you can move on and stop thinking about dana. Be well, china.. Don't worry, for me you're the finest woman so I don't want to hurt you now. Thus I will never punch you, kick you or throw things to you again.. Uuum it'll be different if you prefer to be a bad girl and want me to spank you in bed.."

I can feel that my face is really warm now. Man, how come I'm blushing after he said things like that. It wasn't even romantic at all.. But yeah, I don't like those cheesy lines on some dorama. But why am I blushing? What's wrong with me? Why's my heart beating so fast right now?

"Let me go!" I'm trying to push him away. I don't want to be with that sadist. I don't want to fall in love with that sadist, get married and have kids with that sick bastard. What kind of future I'll have if I live with him?

"Okay, china.. Don't forget what I said. I love you.." Before I realizing it, he lifts my chin with his long (and pretty) fingers. Then..

"Muah.. I love you, my china girl" He steals my first kiss. He has stolen my first kiss. It was so fast but I still can feel his lips on mine. Now I'm just standing like an idiot, looking at that sadist who's caressing my cheek. He's smiling, but not like a king of planet sadist. That smile is just.. really beautiful... And wait, did he always look this handsome and charming? Seriously... my eyes, please... I don't want to wear glasses like Shinpachi.

"Okay.. I'll leave you now. I'll be waiting for you, china... We'll meet again when you can stop thinking about dana or when he's with us again... Bye.." He's walking away, leaving me who still standing quietly, can't say anything. He stole my first kiss. He hugged me. He even confessed that he loves me. And in the end, he said he'll wait for me.. What's happening here? I can't fall in love with him. I just can't. _He's a sadist_.

**[TO BE CONTINUED]**


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